Kendrick Lamar may want to head to the studio and record another “Control” verse because there’s a new MC in town, and judging from his just-released “15 Seconds of Fame,” he’s not one to be messed with. OK, Brody Ryan may not actually qualify as a rapper – his website boasts that trying to place him in a genre would be “unfair” and “his music is like Passion Pit meets Kid Cudi meets the Postal Service” — but if there’s one thing we gathered from the ferocious “15 Seconds,” it’s that he’s surely angry enough to be one. You may recognize his name from that whole #StarbucksDrakeHands phenomenon, in which he made a video selfie to the tune of Drake’s “Hold On, We’re Going Home” and sent it to Piper Kennedy.
She shared it with friends, it went viral, it became fodder for hilarious parodies from the likes of Larry King and Drizzy himself. But he’s a lot more than a beautiful face with his hand awkwardly covering his right eye, he’s a musician – and, apparently, a songwriter, designer and photographer – and he’s using the nearly four minutes of his new track to prove it.
“Understand I’ma play my hand/ Pocket aces f— them Haters!/ Front Pages. Interviews/ Talk shows and magazines/ With champagne in my glass,” he spits like a lyrical master. “Call me a f—ing lose/ Call me what your used tah/ I’m not what you choose tah.”
And he’s also using it to clear a few things up. You see, Kennedy may have said that Ryan sent her the unsolicited selfie after meeting at Starbucks, but he maintains that that’s not at all how it went down.
“The whole world’s mocking me/ But she knows damn well we ain’t never had no coffee,” he speaks at the opening of the song, later spitting, “But you should see my Tinder list/ Exactly where I met that chick/ Swiped her to the right/ Thought I’d pipe her that night.”
Oh, and then he calls her “ratchet-ass Topanga.”
Your move, Piper.